


She Keeps Me Warm

by yeolakkuma



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Trans Character, Trans!Chanyeol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-29
Updated: 2017-08-29
Packaged: 2018-12-21 10:28:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11942211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeolakkuma/pseuds/yeolakkuma
Summary: Love is patient, Love is kind.Yixing knew this ages ago. He knew that Chanyeol fought with it for so long, but he knew that he had to realize it himself…She. She had to realize it herself.inspirationMary Lambert - She Keeps Me Warm (2013 Version)





	She Keeps Me Warm

**Author's Note:**

  * For [grenadille](https://archiveofourown.org/users/grenadille/gifts).



> I woke up today [28.08.17] from a very emotional dream. I needed an outlet and I couldn't find anything better than writing.
> 
> * * *
> 
>   
>  This fic was also inspired by my dear friend's work 'Lemonade' which you can find [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11368701)   
> 

__ She says I smell like safety and home  
I named both of her eyes 'forever' and 'please don’t go'  
I could be a morning sunrise all the time, all the time yeah  
This could be good, this could be good 

* * *

** *** **

_ Love is patient, love is kind. _

 

Yixing always loved bright and cheerful people, so when he transferred schools he instantly befriended Chanyeol. But he always knew from the moment he met the young boy in middle school… Chanyeol was different. 

 

Chanyeol was caring and compassionate. When they first met in the courtyard, Chanyeol found a baby bird and promptly climbed the tree to find the nest. Yixing watched closely so that he could catch him if he fell. As soon as he climbed down the tree he cried because the babies were all so cute. It made Yixing’s heart swell. He comforted him and they became best friends from that day forward.

 

One day Yixing noticed Chanyeol fidgeting with his hands a lot. When he asked if he was nervous he just said no. But Yixing knew Chanyeol. There was something bothering him. At lunch he confronted him.

 

“Chanyeol, what’s wrong?”

 

“It’s nothing.”

 

“It’s  not nothing.”

 

Chanyeol started to sob. He put his face in his hands and that’s when Yixing noticed the chipped nail polish on his nails. It was black and most of it was peeled off. 

 

“The older boys said I’m weird because I painted my nails,” Chanyeol looked up to Yixing with sad eyes and it made Yixing hurt. Chanyeol was delicate and sometimes would get emotional over small things. This wasn’t small though.

 

“Why is it weird? I don’t like the color but, it isn’t weird.”

 

“You think it's okay?” Chanyeol looked up with hope in his eyes. Someone to accept him. 

 

“Do you like to paint your nails Yeolie?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Then it’s not weird.”

 

“But… Everyone else thinks I’m weird.” Chanyeol planted his face into his knees and cried harder. Yixing just sat with him and comforted him. 

 

After school Yixing walked with his mom to the store to pick up a few groceries. They were browsing one of the aisles and Yixing noticed it was in the women’s beauty products. He walked to the nail polish section and picked up a bottle. 

 

“Mom, can I get this for a friend. They like nail polish and this color really suits them?”

 

“Sure sweetie,” She didn’t ask anything further as Yixing put the little bottle in their basket. She picked up a little bag for Yixing to put it in and told him not to forget it in the morning.

 

It was the most excited he had been to go to school since they moved. He picked up the little bag and smiled to himself hoping that the gift would put Chanyeol in a better mood. When he got to the courtyard he saw Chanyeol sitting underneath a tree. He strode over and shoved the bag into his face and started to feel embarrassed.

 

“What’s this?”

 

Chanyeol slowly opened the bag as Yixing tried to hold back his anxious nerves. He didn’t understand why he felt so weird. He just wanted to make his friend feel better. When he saw the look on his face, it was worth it.

 

“Thank you, Yixing!”

 

Chanyeol jumped up and hugged him  tightly . It was the first time that Chanyeol showed him physical affection. He squeezed him tight and smiled really big. Yixing noticed the small dimple and realized … Chanyeol was really cute. 

 

The next day Yixing felt a sense of satisfaction and swelling pride as he noticed that Chanyeol’s nails were now bright orange.

 

After  that , they only got closer. Chanyeol painted his nails orange every week and Yixing felt so happy. But as time went on other feelings were stirring, ones that he couldn’t put down no matter how hard he tried.

 

The summer before their freshman year of high school, Chanyeol spent nearly every day with Yixing. They would play outside or go to the park. Yixing would always invite Chanyeol over to watch a movie and stay the night but he always said no. Yixing didn’t want to persist then one day … Chanyeol said yes.

 

Yixing tried so hard to hide his excitement. It was the first time Chanyeol was going to come over. They had been friends for a few years now but they never went to each other’s house. His mom tried to calm his nerves but she knew that there was no stopping a worried Yixing. He grabbed all of his blankets and pillows and made a spot for them to sit in the living room. When he heard the door he nearly screamed. 

 

Chanyeol looked adorable. He had his backpack and pillow. He was holding a big Rilakkuma and wearing the most adorable puppy pajamas he had ever seen. His face flushed red and Yixing realized … He liked Chanyeol.

 

It was the first time that Yixing _really_ noticed that Chanyeol was different. He brought a few bottle of nail polish and Yixing chose one. It was purple and had little flecks of glitter. He said that it reminded him of a unicorn and Yixing liked unicorns. Chanyeol also brought face masks. Yixing had never done them but he knew that he mom liked them. So, he decided to do one with Chanyeol and actually really liked it. They pulled their fringe up into little buns and Yixing laughed because Chanyeol looked so cute.

 

After  that , they put on a movie. His mom brought them popcorn and Yixing got them some water. Halfway into the movie Yixing went to grab more popcorn and brushed up against Chanyeol’s hand. He swallowed hard and looked up to see Chanyeol wide-eyed and blushing. He pulled away and Yixing tried to hold back as much as he could. 

 

He wanted to hold Chanyeol’s hand. 

 

The popcorn bowl was empty and pushed in front of them while they watched more of the movie. Yixing watched out the corner of his eye as Chanyeol moved closer. He felt his palm sweating as fingers brushed against his knuckles. Yixing looked down and saw the light bounce off of Chanyeol’s purple nail polish. Slowly he moved his hand, fingers trembling and tangled his with Chanyeol’s. When he didn’t pull away, Yixing looked up to see Chanyeol shyly smiling to himself. They spent the rest of the movie holding hands and stealing glances at each other. 

 

Yixing thought maybe Chanyeol liked him too but when they started high school … his world crashed around him.

 

Chanyeol distanced himself from Yixing. They would still talk and laugh but it wasn’t the same. Yixing noticed that Chanyeol no longer wore nail polish and dressed more ‘manly’. He wore a lot of baggy shirts and tight jeans. Sometimes he would wear snapbacks or tight slacks. Chanyeol always looked good, but Yixing thought that maybe he was trying too hard. Yixing always though Chanyeol was pretty, but now he looked sad and uncomfortable. 

 

When Yixing confronted him about it their junior year, he thought that Chanyeol was going to break.

 

“I’m not the same anymore, Xing.”

 

“I know that but something is wrong. What happened to the person I spent all those summers with laughing, watching movies with, and doing silly things like  face masks and …”

 

“I said I’m different now! Why do you care?”

 

“Because you’re my best friend, Yeolie.”

 

“I don’t want to talk about it, okay? Just …”

 

Yixing watched as Chanyeol’s face perplexed. There was something and it was buried deep now. Yixing knew what it was, but he would never say anything to Chanyeol. He was surprised when Chanyeol asked to come over and spend the night. Yixing smiled of course and said yes. He would never turn away his best friend.

 

That weekend Yixing felt nervous again. They hadn’t spent too much time together since school started and especially not spending the night together. When Chanyeol arrived it was much like the first time he spent the night. He was in cute pajamas, backpack, and pillow in hand. And the Rilakkuma. Chanyeol never went anywhere without it. 

 

Yixing had put the blankets in the living room again and chose a movie for them to watch. He noticed Chanyeol hesitating to get close. Over the summers they snuggled on the couch and it never bothered Chanyeol, but now he put a lot of distance between them.

 

“Why are you so far away?”

 

“Huh? Oh, um. I don’t know,” Chanyeol looked away and Yixing noticed the pain in his face. The hesitation. This was never a problem. 

 

Yixing had reached his limit. He moved over and pulled Chanyeol’s face to him and saw tears streaming down. He stopped and just stared. He let his hands fall and just sat there staring at Chanyeol.

 

“I don’t know who I am anymore.”

 

Chanyeol’s tears fell and all Yixing could do was hold him. He sat there in silence as he cried for nearly an hour, not speaking. When he did speak, Yixing just listened.

 

“I don’t know what to do. I don’t like wearing those clothes. I don’t like my face. I don’t like my body. I don’t like my hair. I hate the way I look and I feel like I’m trapped.”

 

Yixing sat and watched Chanyeol carefully. When he took a breath, Yixing wiped Chanyeol’s face. He flinched but then just sat staring at him. 

 

“Why don’t you like anything about yourself? You’re so pretty and funny. I like you just fine,” Yixing smiled and watched as something flickered in Chanyeol’s eyes. Something like hope, like understanding. 

 

“You can wear whatever you want. I think you look best in those really cute jean cut offs. The ones that stop below your knee. And that long striped blue shirt. Oh! And the flower crown you wore on my birthday a few years ago. I really liked that!”

 

“Did you really?”

 

“Of course I did! You looked like a beautiful princess and I like princesses. And I liked your nail polish. Especially the purple one. That was my favorite.”

 

Chanyeol was smiling now. Really big. And Yixing felt completely responsible and loved it. 

 

“Do you … really think I’m pretty?”

 

“Of course! You’re so pretty! You’re the prettiest when you pull your hair up and we do face masks!” Yixing smiled and hugged Chanyeol tight. It was true. It was when he thought Chanyeol was the prettiest. 

 

After Chanyeol settled down he snuggled close to Yixing and held his hand. Yixing felt so happy that he had gotten to Chanyeol. It was just scratching the surface but he wanted to be there for his best friend when he realized what was wrong … Well, what was right about him. What Chanyeol truly was.

 

That summer before their senior year was the best one they ever had. Chanyeol wore the cut offs almost every day. Yixing took Chanyeol to the mall and bought him several flower crowns and watched as his hair grew longer. It was nearly to his shoulders at the end of the summer. Yixing loved it. He lightened it until it was a soft orange color and Yixing told him that he looked like a beautiful sunset. It made Chanyeol blush.

 

Yixing wanted to take a chance. It was a big risk but he wanted it and maybe Chanyeol did too. They were outside enjoying the cool summer air, laying on the grass. Their hands were clasped tight and there was a comfortable silence between them. Chanyeol was tucked under Yixing’s arm and he knew … Now or never. 

 

He turned over and looked down at Chanyeol who was smiling softly. This was his best friend. The person he adored most in the world. He liked Chanyeol, even with his struggles and internal conflicts. He wanted to be there for him no matter what. In that moment Yixing let his strong feelings move him… to Chanyeol’s lips. 

 

He pushed his orange hair from his face and when he closed his eyes, Yixing pushed down softly on his lips and stayed there. He cupped Chanyeol’s face and felt the kiss returned. He felt bated breath as he kissed him softly a few more times before pulling up and looking down at Chanyeol’s wet face. He ran his thumb across his cheek and smiled. 

 

“I love you.”

 

It was the softest whisper but Yixing heard every single syllable. He just stared as Chanyeol’s eyes grew heavy with tears. He couldn’t help the smile that spread. 

 

“I love you  more, ” Yixing whispered and then leaned down to kiss him again. They hit teeth and missed each other lips a few times before just laughing and holding each other. 

 

It was the best day in Yixing’s life, and things would only get better from there. Chanyeol would spend every day with him again. He would bring his guitar over and they would sit with Chanyeol’s laptop on the balcony playing music. Yixing would play his black acoustic and Chanyeol would bring his red Gibson. Yixing would sing to him and hold him tight when the sun set. 

 

Chanyeol stopped wearing uncomfortable clothes and started wearing what he wanted. He kept his hair long and wore the flowers crowns Yixing bought him to school. His confidence soared when all the girls told him how pretty he was with them and how they liked his striped blue shirt. The year was coming to an end and the buzz was spreading about prom. Yixing was hoping … Chanyeol would ask him. 

 

He was ecstatic when he did. Yixing was a bundle of nerves as he picked out his tuxedo. He chose black because Chanyeol never let him know a color, but Chanyeol’s favorite color was orange. Maybe the corsage could be orange. Yixing wondered if it was okay to buy a corsage. He didn’t know. Because Chanyeol still didn’t know. He didn’t understand or maybe he did. Maybe, just maybe tonight would be the night that Chanyeol would be true to himself.

 

When Yixing arrived at Chanyeol’s house dressed up and hair pushed back, he held the corsage nervously. It was made with yellow ribbons and orange roses. There were a few tiny purple sprigs of lavender. He took a deep breath and stood at the bottom of the stairs. Then he watched as Chanyeol walked down the stairs and his jaw hit the floor.

 

The orange tea length skirt hit just below the knee. It was accented with bright yellow tulle underneath. Instead of a blouse, Chanyeol wore the striped blue shirt. Yixing watched closely and stared. Chanyeol was gorgeous. It was the first time he saw Chanyeol wear makeup. Thin black eyeliner and eyeshadow that reminded him of the sunset. Long curls flowed down from the tiny rose flower crown and Yixing was glad he chose orange for the corsage. It was going to match. When Chanyeol stopped in front of him Yixing couldn’t speak. The way Chanyeol looked took his breath away. 

 

“Do I … Do I look okay?”

 

“You look absolutely breathtaking, Yeolie,” Yixing fumbled with the corsage and watched as Chanyeol stared in wonder. 

 

“These are meant for…”

 

Chanyeol’s thought was cut off by Yixing pressing a soft kiss to his lips. 

 

“For beautiful girls on prom night.”

 

“But Yixing I’m a …”

 

“A beautiful girl.”

 

Chanyeol stood there, lips quivering. Yixing knew this ages ago. He knew that Chanyeol fought with it for so long, but he knew that he had to realize it himself…

 

_ She _ . She had to realize it herself.

 

“How did you know?”

 

“I’ve known since I gave you the orange nail polish in middle school. I knew when I held your hand. And I knew when I kissed you and told you I loved you.”

 

“Yixing.” Chanyeol was trying hard to hold back her tears, but she was so happy. Someone finally saw her for who she was. A girl.

 

“Chanyeol, I’ve never asked you this … But will you be my girlfriend?”

 

Chanyeol lost it. She was a mess as she clung to Yixing tight shaking her head yes. Everything about that night was extraordinary. And even though Chanyeol thought everyone would look at her funny … No one did. They told her she was beautiful. They told her they liked her dress. And they told her that her boyfriend was lucky to have her.

 

Yixing was surprised when Chanyeol initiated sex. She said she was comfortable with her body now and wanted to share it all with Yixing. There was a lot of fumbling and a lot of laughs, but Yixing wouldn’t trade that night for anything in the world. Chanyeol’s lean body had turned soft. Yixing worshipped all of her curves and kissed every single inch of her body until morning.

 

** *** **

 

Yixing was nervous. Yixing was worried. It had been four years since he started dating Chanyeol. It was almost their anniversary and he was a wreck. 

 

_ Did he  _ _ choose _ _ the right one? What if she didn’t like it? What if she said no? _

 

Yixing swallowed down his nerves and turned to see his girlfriend walking towards him. Her hair was brown now and straight. It fell around her shoulders and Yixing was still breathless every time he looked at her. She was curvy in all the right areas as he took  in her long legs in the cut offs. They decided to spend their anniversary at the beach. It was a cool day and the weather was perfect. 

 

It started off smooth and as time went on Yixing got antsier. Chanyeol noticed. As they walked along the beach Yixing guided his girlfriend to the pier. With a little help, it was decorated in white balloons and little orange roses. Chanyeol didn’t expect it when Yixing got down on one knee and recited the word he had practice so many times.

 

“Love is patient, love is kind. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails. And I want you to be by my side. I will do my best never to fail you. To always protect you. To lift you up when you need a hand and to comfort you when you need comfort. Chanyeol, will you marry me?”

 

Her tears didn’t stop as she lifted Yixing up and said yes over and over again. Yixing opened the little white box to a rose gold ring with a soft orange stone. Chanyeol said it was perfect and kissed him through the tears and sniffles.

 

** *** **

 

Yixing stood in front of the mirror adjusting his tuxedo thinking fondly over the memories of the past decade or so. His mother stood  helping him adjust his bow tie and sweeping a stray hair from his forehead. She looked up and smiled. 

 

“You know, I knew this day would come but I never thought I’d be able to see it.”

 

“What’s that?”

 

“The day you would marry Chanyeol. I knew from the moment she came over when you were young. You would be with her for the rest of her life. That day… in the store… I knew the nail polish was for her. I’m your mother I see everything.”

 

“I’ve loved her just as long.”

 

“And I love her too. Go out there and make her your wife.” Yixing’s mother smiled and the ceremony started shortly after. 

 

Yixing stood at the altar and watched Chanyeol walk toward him in a beautiful white dress. Her bouquet was full of lavender and orange roses. He had to hold back his tears when he lifted her veil and stared at her. She was so breathtaking and Yixing would never get over that. He watched and she mouthed something quietly.

 

“Do I look okay?”

 

All Yixing could do was smile and hold her arm in his as they walked together, “Like a beautiful woman.”

**Author's Note:**

> you'll never be able to pry trans!chanyeol from my grubby hands.


End file.
